thoughts

Here are some of my random thoughts running through my head.

                                                                     Church:  

Last night my friend Rob and I were discussing church.  We both made some comments about how boring we think church is.  I personally don't like Sunday school because I feel it's boring, and I have a hard time not falling asleep because I'm tired all of the time.  He didn't like how his ward members would take forever in the halls between classes, so that they never started on time.

I agree with his complaint.  In my singles ward we start at 1, and we never start Sunday school until 2:30.  Sometimes that is due to sacrament getting out late, but still.  Some people arrive early, and slowly the room fills up.  And it always seems like groups of people have a hard time sitting next to someone they aren't familiar with.  They will most often sit with a single seat in between them.  This causes groups of friends that come late to have to break up.  I'm not saying this is bad, but just something I've noticed.  I think people need to arrive at church early to catch up on the latest gossip, sports and other activities in their friends lives, rather than in the hallways between classes.

One down side to starting late is that the teacher has to start late.  It always seems like there is so much for the teacher to discuss and there is never enough time.  Many teachers stress about their lesson the week before, so why not show the cutesy of showing up in a timely manner?  I get that some may need to use the restroom, or get a drink.  But it is unreasonable to think that it takes 20 minutes to do so.

My next topic is books.  There are so many genres of books I don't think I know all of them.  There are probably at least 100 million books currently out there throughout the world.  Many of them are by authors who won't be well known, who will probably do something else for a livelihood.  But I just want to say thanks to all writers, because they have probably been an indirect influence in my life.

I love reading.  It is something I can say I'm truly passionate about.  I love talking about ideals, and life in general.  The written word is how things are passed from person to person, along with the spoken word. Writing is key to success in the world today.  

I have recently been posting about a list of 50 books I believe everyone should read.  These are just books that I have read, and have influenced me.  They have played a role in who I am today.  Of course, I am biased, since I am only thinking of me when creating this list.

There is a set of book, 55 in all, that is called The Great Books of the Western World.  These are a collection of books and essays, both ancient and modern.  In the 1950's some scholars got together and created a list of 55 authors who have influenced the West significantly through their writing.  They start with Homer of ancient Greece, and end with the late 1800's.  I have read several of the authors, and have enjoyed them.

I believe that a love of reading is being lost in America.  I look at my friends and very few of them have a passion for reading.  Tonight I went home teaching, and the girl we visited said she loved to read.  We talked briefly about books, until my companion said he didn't like reading at all.  My friend Rob doesn't either.  Most of my friends rarely read for pleasure.  I think this is sad.

Reading has taken me many places I haven't been to or probably won't ever get to visit.  I've been to Rome in The Da Vinci Code, the Wild West with Louis L'Amour, China in Wild Swans and many other places.  The stories are incredible.  I believe people are missing out.

So I have heard a few people claim a library is a waste of tax money.  I disagree strongly with that opinion.  I think reading is key to civilizations future.  We need to stay educated to stay free.  Sure there is a lot of junk out there, books that won't help out in life.  But most won't hurt you either.  You need to be able to read to stay free.  Books help transfer information, ideas.

50 books explained

In keeping with earlier posts, this one will be on my list of 50 books.

7.  Hanging by the Thread by Donald Anderson

  I loved reading this book.  Donald Anderson uses a compelling story line to teach pretty powerful lesson.  The story begins with a man losing a document in the Utah state capital building.  The man, frantic, tries to leave the country.  He doesn't make it far.
  A little after the document is lost, Colton finds it, not knowing what it is.  He asks his friend, Jeff, to help him understand the meaning of it.  They can't alone, so they contact a BYU economics professor.  The professor helps them uncover a secret plot to take over America.  

  They discover that a secret group, nicknamed The Thread, has been slowly infiltrating the American government, whose goal is to eliminate freedom.  The first freedoms to go are economic.  The freedom to hire who business owners want, excessive taxes, government take over of certain powerful companies.  These have already been lost.  The document names several other freedoms to take later.  It also tells of impending crisis that are to take place over the next two days.  

   Once The Thread knows who has the document, they try desperately to get it back.  One of their own members becomes members of the Colton and Jeff's band.  Colton and Jeff contact Colton's uncle to help them.  They, with the BYU professor, and two other friends try hiding.  That doesn't work for long.  The Thread have access to government technology at their disposal.  They locate them, and trick them into a trap. 

  Well, Colton realizes that they are in a trap and he and his uncle help the group escape.  While they are escaping explosions go off in Seattle, New York and Los Angeles.  The last one is going off in Salt Lake City, where Colton and his uncle happen to be.  By chance, they locate the bomb and take it away from the city.  In the end Colton and his uncle are hired by the government to track down members of The Thread.

  This summary is brief, as I wanted to talk about what the book is really about.  In the book Donald Anderson has Dr. Isaacson, the BYU professor, talk extensively about economic freedom, and why it is important.  The book is fairly thick, about 350 pages.  The last half of the book, however, are devoted to lectures on the importance of economic freedom.  I think that America today has lost a vast majority of our economic power.  The government taxes very extensively, making prices higher.  It regulates many industries, making it harder to produce lower cost goods.  If a company is cheating, they catch them.  

  What is wrong with the government ensuring that food companies provide safe food, some may ask?  Nothing is wrong with that part of government regulations.  It is where they seem to regulate everything else, that is the problem.  

  The governments role should never be, and was not intended to be by our founding fathers, to take on the role of protector.  If you don't agree with a company's procedures or products, don't buy them.  If enough people boycott a certain company, it will not succeed.  That didn't happen recently, when the government took over control of several automobile companies.  Some say that it would have been disaster had those companies gone out of business.  

  It may have been, but if a company cannot make money it should not be in business.  If I own a small business, and I don't make enough money, I should go out of business or try something new.  If the government is there to help me out, I'm not likely to try very hard to please people.  I won't try my hardest to provide the cheapest, best service in town.

  I highly recommend this book.  It a very easy read.  I read it in about 3 hours.  Really worth it because of the lessons learned within its pages.

20.  October Sky by Homer Hickham

  I bought this book in the spring at the DI, based solely off of what I'd seen the movie.  The movie is great.  I had like how a boy from West Virginia could success and accomplish his dreams.  I bought it and it sat in my room for several months.
  The first day in July I decided to start reading it because I was bored and didn't have anything else to read. The story is about a boy, Homer Hickham.   He is named after his father, but everyone calls him Sunny.  He is an adventursome youth, having all the typical trials and fun times that comes with being young.
  When the Russians launched the first Sputnik into space Sunny was captivated by it.  He thought it was the coolest thing in the world, making things fly into space.  He began to dream about being a scientist at NASA, helping the US win the space war with Russia.
  Because he had a dream, he began to take an interest in science.  He and his friends formed a rocket launching club, eventually making rockets fly about 1 mile in the air.  They began with a series of failures, as should be expected.  But they find a substance that they named "rocket candy" that could be purchased cheaply.
  But there was a problem: the boys lived in West Virginia, in coal country.  The coal company owned all the homes, equipment in town and most of the land.  There was no place for launching rockets.  Sunny's father was the mine superintendent  and he could have allowed them to launch their rockets.  But he resisted at first, giving into later pressures.  He allowed them to launch their rockets outside of town.
  Launching rockets brought the boys trouble, though.  One day the rocket they launched disappeared, and they were unable to find it.  At the same time a forest fire started nearby, and the boys were blamed for it.  Unable to prove their innocence, they were forced to stop launching rockets.  This was a dark time for Sunny, as the girl he had a crush on started going out with Jim, his older brother.  Jim was a star on the football team.
  One day in the spring the science teacher asks  Sunny how rocket launching was going.  He admitted they hadn't done anything for a while.  The teacher, Miss Riley, gave Sunny a book on trigonometry.  She wanted him to start teaching it to himself, as he would need it to build rockets.  When Sunny starts learning trig he realizes that the rocket could not possibly have started the forest fire.  Excited, he goes to school the next day and proves that that the rocket boys, as he and his friends called themselves, and their rocket did not start the fire.
  The book ends on a high note, with Sunny going to Indiana and winning a national science fair.  He took display of rockets. On the day before the judging begins someone steals Sunny's rocket molds.  He nearly faints when he finds out.  He calls home, wanting to give up, but his friends and neighbors all come together in the effort to get him new molds.  They arrive just in time, and Sunny wins the fair.
  I like this book a lot.  I think it shows us how determination to realize our goals, how to dream big.  Sunny had every reason to give up building rockets, but he kept trying and trying until he succeeded.  The book does have some more adult parts, parts that shouldn't be included in it at all.  The movie does a good job in cutting those out.  So be careful of how early a teenager reads this.  There really only are a few parts, but otherwise a fantastic book.

50 books explained

41. The Naked Communist by W. Cleon Skousen

Cleon Skousen is one of my favorite authors. This book is about, as you can tell by the title, communism. The naked part comes because, as he explains in his introduction, he wants to expose the evils of communism, or break it down so anyone can see it for what it is. At first my siblings would question why it was about a naked person. It's not.

In this book Skousen starts out with a basic history about communism. I won't go into detail here, as you can find this information elsewhere. I grew up being told communism was evil, how Karl Marx was not a righteous person. I have heard that communism and the Law of Consecration have a lot in common.

Communism seeks at its heart to promote social equality. Karl Marx didn't like capitalism, which was the prevailing economical system in his day. He believed it favored the wealthy, which it does. He wanted to create a system where everyone would be equal, where no one would be socially or economically above anyone else. No one would individually own property. Everything was to be owned in common. He obviously didn't see anything wrong with taking from the rich and giving to the poor. The government was only to be in place long enough to enforce this equality.

But Marx failed to see, or he chose to ignore, basic human nature. Once a man gains a little power over another, the natural tendency is to increase that power for self-gratification. Doctrine and Covenants 121:39 states: "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion."

Because of this, any time a people have overthrown whatever type of government they were previously under, and established a communist one in its' place, communism has failed to progress like Marx said it would. Once property rights had been abolished, then paradise was supposed to insue. No more government. But look at Russia, China, North Korea. They still have communist government, many years later. Communism is a failed economical/political solution to the worlds problems.

32. The Thousand Years War by Richard Maybury

This is another Richard Maybury classic. Following his other books Whatever Happened to Penny Candy? and Whatever Happened to Justice?, this is his best book yet. In this book he discusses why the United States currently military personnel in the Middle East. The book is so titled because he claims that the West, meaning Western Europe and now the United States, has been constantly at war with Muslims since the Crusades.

In the year 1095 Pope Urban II sanctioned an army invading Jerusalem, freeing it from Muslim control. Jerusalem is sacred to 3 major world religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Thus, Pope Urban II wanted this site to be reserved for Christians. There were a series of invading armies sent from Europe, with varied successes. In the end, Jerusalem ended up staying in control of the Muslims.

Maybury makes the point in this book that Muslims don't forgive or forget very easily. They remember the crusades. They didn't like enemies invading what they consider their holy land.

How do the crusades influence today's politics? Well, ever since the crusades Europe and the Muslim countries in the Middle East have been in a state of a quasi war. During the late middle ages Muslim pirate would capture European vessels unless the rulers paid them bribes. Many ships were lost because the kings and queens refused to pay the pirates. The Europeans soon found it was cheaper and easier to just pay the ransom rather than bother with rescue efforts.

In 1801 the US ships started to ply the Mediterranean Sea, trading with nations in that part of the world. Well, the pirates from North Africa captured several American ship. Thomas Jefferson, who was known for maintaining a small government, sent the US navy to North Africa to free the American prisoners. They did so, and the Americans forces the North African pirates to sign a treaty saying that Americans could trade in the Mediterranean Sea without interference from pirates.

Well, this began a tradition for the US: that we would send armed forces to protect our interests worldwide. Since that time we have sent forces in both world wars, to Korea, Vietnam, and Iraq and Afghanistan. Our forces currently in the Middle East were not sent there to protect our freedom, but to protect national interests.

Most Muslims don't like the US. It's not very hard to see why. The US government has a habit of setting up governments in the Middle East that the people don't want. Many times the US backs a dictator just so we can get their oil. In Iraq we set up a democracy. If the common people had WANTED a democracy I'm sure they would fight a bloody revolution, just like Americans did, to achieve it. If they truly wanted freedom they would take whatever steps were necessary to gain it. Why do we, as Americans, feel the need to poke the power of our military where it does not belong?

So our nation is in Iraq and Afghanistan to fight for our freedom. I find this hard to believe. What freedoms are being threatened on the other side of the world? Al Qaeda, a terrorist organization, is said to be the target of this war. How do you identify who is a member of Al Qaeda, and who is not? To eliminate this group you would have to find them.

Maybury makes this point quite clear in the book. He says that to achieve the goal of eliminating terrorists we would have to eliminate millions of people. He claims the Arabs are in a state of guerrilla warfare. This means they don't find in organized groups; they get into small bands and harass the enemy. It is next to impossible to defeat such an enemy.

Maybury suggests that we leave the Middle East alone. Why do we need to be the world police and make people like us? If someone came into the US and set up a dictator that nobody like how would we react? I'd react like the Muslims: I would hate the country or nation that created the dictatorship. Why should we expect the Muslims to be different?

50 books explained

Two posts ago I listed 50 books I believe everyone should read.  In the next series of posts I will explain why I have put down some of the books on that list.

21.  The jackrabbit factor by Leslie Householder

  I read this book at the suggestion of Heather Hansen.  About the same time I was reading this book I was reading 'the dream giver' and 'the greatest miracle in the world'.  I was struggling with personal things at the time, and this book helped a lot.  I was looking for a job, which today can be very discouraging.
  The books plot is fairly simple: a family is struggling financially, and the husband and wife have a fight.  The husband feels like a failure.  He can't keep his wife and kids fed.  He stalks away, and falls asleep angry, and has a dream.
  In the dream he is part of a crowd that keeps moving and picking up sacks.  In the sacks are things that bring pleasure; food, water, clothing.  The crowd keeps moving, never stopping.  They are always hurrying, always wanting more.  The man notices a few who break away from the crowd chasing rabbits.  He wonders why some are breaking away despite what the majority of the crowd thinks of them.
  He eventually breaks away and learns the secret of catching jackrabbits.  You have to first believe that the opportunity will come for you to catch a rabbit, and once it comes you have to stretch out and grab it.  Once he learns the secret he wakes up, and becomes financially successful.
  The rabbits represent opportunity.  The world is full of opportunities for us to expand, to break away from the crowd, so to speak.  The important thing that I learned from this book is that this world is a world of plenty.  Even though the economy may not be at peak level, everyone can be successful.  You need to first believe and understand this very important principle.  Once I realized this, I starting believing that I would find a job.  Within 4 days I have found not one, but TWO jobs!   There is hope out there, not matter your circumstances.

46.  The dream giver by Bruce Wilkinson

  This is another meaningful book to me.  I read this right after The Jackrabbit factor.  As I mentioned above I was looking for a job at the time I read these two books, and was discouraged.  The Jackrabbit factor was the beginning, and this expanded my vision.
  The dream giver is a story about a Nobody named Ordinary.  Ordinary was young, and he grew to have dreams.  These dreams led him to question the existing society among the Nobody's.  Among the Nobody's, few had dared to have something like a dream.  They lived, ate slept and died as Nobody's.  Nobody did anything extraordinary.   The few who tried left, to find Dream Land.  Many of those who left came back.  They came back because to venture into the unknown is a hard thing.
  So once Ordinary decides he wants to follow his dreams, he starts out on his adventure.  His mother, father and friends all follow him a little ways, begging him to turn around and come back.  He learns to tune out their arguments, and this helps.
  This first trial is much like his later ones.  He comes to a river, which he has to figure out how to cross.  He tries and tries and tries, each time failing.  When he is about to give up and go home, help comes.  It is another Nobody who had made the journey to the Dream Land.  He had decided to come back and help those who tried to follow their dreams.
  The book tells of many more trials that Ordinary faces, among them being lost in a desert, finding food, and other hard things.  Eventually he gains his dream, which makes him incredibly happy.  Once Ordinary gains his dreams, his desire is to go back and help other Nobody's follow their dreams.
  There are many, many lessons to be learned and parallels found between this story and life.  Ordinary can symbolize anyone, you, me your friend, or whoever.  We all have dreams, and we all want to follow them.  But there is a difference between those who attain their dreams, and those who spend all day dreaming.  Those who get anywhere in life act.  Action is key to success in life.  if we don't take that first scary step into the dark, we won't get anywhere.
  If we take action to follow our dreams we will encounter trials, or resistance.  When I was searching for a job I turned in countless resume's and applications to businesses all over Logan.  I had interviews, was told tI would get a call, many, many times.  None of them turned into anything.  But once I read this I took the message of persistence, and determination to heart.  Less than a week after I read The Jackrabbit factor and The dream giver I got two jobs.  Sometimes all our trials take is realizing our problem, then having hope that things will improve.

30.  The greatest miracle in the world by Og Mandino

  This is one of many books written by Og Mandino.  I found this book while wandering through the shelves at the Logan Library.  I didn't think my mom or grandma had read this book, but when I was them they both had.  After I read it I can see why:  it is a classic.
  The book is a story about a reasonably successful man, who while going to work in Chicago one day meets an old man, who is dressed in rags.  He is feeding pidgins while standing in the snow.  After a few encounters the men meet and form a remarkable relationship.  The old man, who refers to himself as a "rag picker" talks to the successful man about being successful.
  Well that happens to be something that the first man knows quite a bit about, or so he thinks.  But the rag picker starts discussing things like philosophy and religion.  That is something the first man doesn't know much about.  The rag picker has read quite widely, and discussed these subjects with a lot of people.  In fact, the term "rag picker" refers to someone who finds those who are down on their luck, those who want to end their lives because they believe themselves to be of no worth, and helping them understand their truth worth and potential.
  The rag picker in this story asks the first man about his personal, family life.  The successful man doesn't have a good relationship with his family, having devoted a large amount of time to his business.  Well, the rag picker discusses the need and benefits of having a strong family.
  At the end of this book the rag picker dies, and leaves a letter addressed to the first man.  The letter is entitled "You are the greatest miracle in the world".  I don't remember all it says, and can't quote any of it.  But it said in essence But reading it right before Christmas, after having gone through surgery, I thought that that message, that God thinks I am the greatest miracle in the world, meant a lot to me. The story, as well as many other stories written by Og Mandino are written in such a way as to not come across as self-righteous. They make sense, and have inspired me, as well as others.  This is definitely a must read.

difficult conversations

Difficult Conversations

by

Stone, Patton and Heen

Notes

(These are my notes on Difficult Conversations.  I am only about 20 pages into the book, but have enjoyed it immensely.)

The reasons conversations can be difficult can range from sexuality, race, gender, politics, religion, or a host of others. Conversations involving these topics don't have to be! Once we understand the 3 conversations, we can gain first an understanding, then appreciation for these conversations.

The 3 types of categories, or conversations:

1. The “What happened?”

2. The Feelings” conversation

3. The “Identity” Conversation

1. “What Happened?”

Often difficult conversations are about what has happened, what will happen, or what should happen. This is the immediate cause for the conversation in the first place. The conversation normally starts with each participant assuming they, and they alone, know the truth. Let's take an example of a manager giving a struggling employee a job that need immediate attention. This comes on short notice, and the employee cancels evening plans to work all night on this new project. In the end, the job is not done correctly.

The manager may say that the employee didn't do the job right, while the employee believes he is overworked and didn't have enough time to properly complete the project. Who is right? Who is to blame for the poorly done job? Who should take the time to fix it?

The employee and the manager both assume they know the truth. The other is the one to blame, not them. They both communicate that the other, then let their relationship deteriorate. But this doesn't have to happen!

3 things to pay attention to:

Who is right?

What meant what?

Who is to blame?

Who is right? This question hints that there is an absolute truth to every conversation. In the example given above, the only thing not disputed in the managers and employees conversation is that the job was not done correctly. They both agree on this point. Beyond this there is disagreement. The boss considers the employee sloppy and lazy. They wish they had hired the other qualified candidate for the job instead of this one. He blames the employee for not doing his job correctly.

The employee resents the manager's demand from the previous day. This has not been the first time the manager has sprung an unexpected project on him at the last minute. He had to cancel a dinner date with his girlfriend. He blames the manager for the whole thing.

How each of the participants feel is not about right and wrong. Neither is to blame in this instance. The manager gave the employee as much time as possible under the circumstances, and the employee gave it his best shot. The way both the manager and employee feel is important. The feelings are matters of interpretation and judgment, not about truth.

Once we understand this point, that the way we feel in a conversation is not about truth, we can move shift our focus during these types of conversations from proving we are right to understanding how the other perceives the problem, their interpretations, and the value of their opinion. And to not offer our perceptions, interpretations, and values as truths.

What meant what? This conversation is about intent. Yours and mine. Sometimes our intentions are hard to interpret. Did I do the dishes because I love you, or because I wanted you to feel guilty for choosing to do something else? Am I trying to keep you out of trouble, or do I want you to be miserable? Did I throw away your beer to help you keep your promise to stay sober or am I trying to control your behavior?

The error we make in the realm of intentions is simple but profound: we assume we know the intentions of others when we don't. Often when we make these kinds of assumptions we assume they are bad.

But the reality is that there is no way to judge others motives. They may or may not be doing something with you in mind. I can shower daily, without once considering how you would feel if I didn't. We most often base our assumptions based on others actions. This is a terrible thing to do. Humans often act in a way they know they shouldn't. I sometimes don't live up to every promise I make, even though I know I need to be trustworthy.

Because our view of others' intentions (and their view of ours) are so important in difficult conversations, leaping to unfounded assumptions can be a disaster.

Who is to blame? Most difficult conversations focus significant attention on who is to blame for the current predicament. When something isn't done, each party concerned will make immediate judgments about the other party. They are lazy, incompetent, or a constant nag.

In the conflict between the manager and the employee, the manager blames the employee. He feels the employee should have stayed a little later to finish up little details in the project. The employee resents the fact that he had to cancel his plans for the evening. He had planned to relax and enjoy dinner with his girlfriend. The employee feels like the manager doesn't appreciate all his hard work.

But talking about fault produces disagreement, denial, and little learning. Nobody likes to take blame, so we put most of our effort to defend our actions, and to point out deficiencies in others. We all like to have a self-image of ourselves as competent, hard working and sensible adults. Then why is it that when having difficult conversations we can become so childish?

I believe we behave the way we do when discussing difficult things is because we have feelings. We care about what others think of us, how they perceive us. We may claim differently, but deep down we know this is true. And taking blame can ruin how we think others perceive us.

Talking about blame distracts us from exploring why things went wrong and how we might avoid future mistakes. Understanding how we can avoid blaming someone will enable us to see the real problems that caused the first problem. It can make a big difference in how you handle and feel about difficult conversations.