Lessons learned about Love

This past month I became engaged to a beautiful and wonderful young lady.  I fell in love with her because of her beauty, charm and personality.  This past year has taught me many lessons about love.  I have wondered in the past what love really is, why people love others, what the scriptures teach about love, and what it means to be loved.  I want to share with you what I have learned thus far.

At the beginning of the year I met a young lady who as I spent a lot of time around began to have feelings for.  She is a nice young lady, and as I got to know her I began to wonder what love is.  What is really means to love someone.  I wasn't sure and I asked her.  She didn't really give me an answer.  It wasn't until after we stopped seeing each other that I came up with my definition of love.

Love is different for each individual.  It means something else for my neighbor than it does for me.  My definition of love is this: to love someone means you must accept their past, their current flaws, and still wanting them to be around you and involved in your life.  Only after accepting this can you love someone.  Love is not a conditional thing.  You can't love someone until they hurt you.  If you don't love someone just because they break up with you than you didn't really love them in the first place.  You cannot place conditions on love.

Why is this?  If you put conditions on love it is not true love.    I came to this belief because of the way my relationship with the girl ended.  We had become close and she decided she wanted to end the relationship.  I struggled for a long time, hurt about the way she had ended it.  I questioned whether I had indeed loved her in the first place.  As the time past and my anger cooled I realized I had loved her; my way of coping with the hurt feelings was to blame her for my feelings.

Hate and anger drive away all feelings of love.  If someone hurts us we probably feel hurt and say we never loved them.  But I know I did love her. I believe the way we love someone can and does change.  There is a binding love between husbands and wives that is strong.  It will remain strong as long as both partners make the effort to keep it strong.  If you allow the relationship to suffer at all so will your love.  I know consider my love for this girl to be the way I feel about a great friend whom I have lost most contact with.

I know that God loves everyone.  I have felt His love for me, and since we are all his children I know He cares you.  No matter what you have done, His love for you is unconditional.  Unconditional love means that He loves you for you, not for what you have done.  If He only loved those who are perfect, than He would only love Jesus.  He does not say, "I only love the righteous."  He says He loves all his children, and he is saddened when we sin and live in wickedness.

That is something else I have come to understand: unconditional love.  I know God loves us no matter what we do, that even if we mess up, like I have so many times, again and again making the same stupid mistakes,  each time I can repent and feel God's love for me.  I have felt His love each time I repent.  I don't mean to sound like I know why God's love is unconditional, but I do know it is.  I guess I'll have to ask him why when I see Him when I die.  :)

I have heard marriage can be tough, but from where I am now in life, I cannot wait until I am married.  I am nervous about the adjustment of being married, the kids, the stress of having no money and tons of bills, but I know that marriage is ordained of God, and that if marriage is not hard at times it would not be worth it.  There are a lot of negatives about marriage, but I know that the positives vastly outweigh the negatives.

The night it all came to be

I am sure many of you are wondering how I came to be recently engaged to a certain beautiful young lady.  I better start from the beginning then.  We had known each other for 7 years and after we both completed LDS missions we started to date.  Over the course of this summer I got to spend quite a bit of time with Cathy Hawkes and found she was a very nice young lady. Well, lets just say I was impressed with who she was and what she stands for.

Well, the first steps in towards marriage start with becoming engaged.  I took her ring shopping, and she picked out a few of the ones she liked.  I went back a while later and compared two rings shops.  I then decided on a beautiful three stone ring.  

I then went to ask her father.  She was really nervous because she wasn't sure of his reaction to who she felt.  Her dad was really nice and said it was up to us if we wanted to get married.  He gave some advice and his blessing.  After that it was down the planning the fine details of exactly how I would do it.

During this time Cathy kept bothering me for information regarding my impending proposal.  She knew it was coming and told me more than once to "hurry up already!" She wanted to know if and when I was talking to her dad, she wanted a picture of the ring box, she wanted to know everything except the date and time basically.  I frustrated her by giving her contradictory information and wouldn't tell her much.  I know she was excited as I was during this time.

I had been planning on asking her for about a month before it actually happened so I had tons of ideas come to my mind. One of the ideas involved a sign she gave me a sign that said, "Better late than never."  

I decided I would use this as she gave me the sign.  The week i decided to propose I was shopping in Seagull Book and saw a sign that said, "Choose your love, love your choice."  I decided it would also fit my need.  

I thought I would print a picture of the two of us and find a nice frame for it and give it to her.  I got it and then borrowed a picture of the Logan Temple from my Grandma.  My plan was finally set.

On Friday I went down to Salt Lake and picked her up from school.  We went and ate German food and then she went to work.  I then headed to where she lived in South Jordan.  She lives in a basement apartment of the Iverson family, whom she met on her mission in Mississippi.  I like the Iverson's and Sister Iverson was kind enough to let me into the home to prepare Cathy's room. 

I know Cathy had kind of been expecting to get the ring before she went to work but I was very careful not to commit to anything that day.  I could tell she was extremely nervous and just wanted me to ask her.  I enjoyed seeing her nervousness and was glad I waited.  At the Iverson's I printed out a letter I had written and a fancy paper with the words, "Cathy, Can I Take You Here?" which I put over the picture of the Logan Temple.

I went and got 11 balloons for her room, and Sister Iverson gave me the idea of getting pieces of paper and writing down reasons I love Cathy.  I taped the pieces of paper to the balloons and her walls.  I also got her a flower vase and some roses for her room.  I meant to get a dozen balloons, but only picked 11, and I accidentally got a balloon that said, "Happy Birthday!" on it.  Oops.  It was her birthday the previous Sunday so I hoped she took it to mean a happy late birthday. I had taken small pieces of paper and written reason's I love her on them and stuck them around her room.  Here is a picture of how her room looked.

Well, that night Cathy was working at Farr's Fresh in City Creek Center, located right across the street from Temple Square and the Church office buildings, and I went to go be with her at work for about 1 hour before they closed.  I took my backpack in, and "forgot" my book I was reading in my car.  I then went back out to get it.  As I got back in with the book and backpack, her co-worker started talking to me and we talked until they closed.  I didn't mind not reading as I used the book as a reason to have the backpack.  Inside the backpack were the things I was using to propose to Cathy.

After Farr's closed I asked her if we could go for a walk.  We headed across the street and walked towards a round step in the middle of the block.  If you stood on it, you could take a picture of you with the temple in the background.  I asked her to take a picture of me and then I planned on taking her picture, and then pulling everything out and proposing to her while she was on the step.  

As I was starting my proposal another couple came up and asked to take a picture of us if we would do the same for them.  We did, and then the other couple wouldn't leave the area.  I was not about to propose with people nearby, so I decided to pull her over to an area closed to the temple.  It is a circular path surrounded by flower gardens.  We stopped on a bench, and I leaned close and said, "I have a few things for you."  I reached in my backpack and pulled out the first sign.

I said, "You know Cathy, this has been a long time coming.  I know how you feel and I feel the same way about you.  I want you to keep this to remind this that I love you."  

I pulled out the next sign and said, "As I have gotten to know you, I have fallen in love.  I choose you, and I want to marry you." 

The picture of the two of us was next.  "This picture was taken on my birthday, and we both look so happy together.  I think we can be even happier than this for the rest of eternity."

And lastly, the picture of the temple.  I had taped the paper saying, "Cathy, Can I Take You There?" to the front so she had to read it first then pull it back to see the temple.  We both want to get married in the Logan Temple.  She was almost crying by this time.

I proceed to get down on one knee in front of her and pull out the ring box.  I say, "Cathy, will you marry me?"  She is in shock at this point, and it like, "Duh! Do you need to even ask?"  I take that as yes and the rest is history.  

Something funny happens as we are walking back to my car.  We are passing another couple and I say to Cathy, "You should tell them that I just proposed."  She does and the girl freaks out and screams, "Congratulations, you guys!  I am so happy for you!"  They then ask questions and we tell them what you have just read.  We then talk about how Cathy and I had met, etc. for a few minutes.  It turns out that the guy is in one of Cathy's classes at LDSBC, and they talked about class.  

It was an amazing night and one I will never forget.