Books this year

1.  The Guardian by Gerald Lund
2.  The Alchemist
3.  They also ran by Irving Stone
4.  Jesus the Christ
5.  Teach like your hair is on fire
6.  An education for our time by Josiah Bunting III
7.  Love is Eternal by Irving Stone
8.  The Story of the Book of Abraham by H. Donl Peterson
9.  The Book of Mormon and the Constitution by H. Verlan Andersen
10.  The Naked Socialist by Paul Skousan
11.  Brothers in battle; Best of Friends by Robyn Post
12.  The Imperial Cruise by James Bradley
13.  Band of Brothers by Stephan Ambrose
14.  Rise to Greatness by David Von Drehle
15.  Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
16.  Hainan Incident by DM Coffman
17.  The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
18.  Launching a Leadership Revolution: Mastering the Five Levels of Influence. by Chris Brady
19.  Mentor: The Kid & and The CEO: A Simple Story of Overcoming Challenges and Achieving Significance by Tom Pace
20.  Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable by Seth Godin
21.   LeaderShift by Oliver DeMille and Orrin Woodard
22.  Manning up by Kay S. Hymowitz
23.  10 people I want to meet in Heaven by S. Michael Wilcox
24.  The Hour of Peril by Daniel Stashower
25.  Elijah of Buxton by Christopher Paul Curtis
26.  Shades of Gray by Carolyn Reeder
27.  Give and Take by Adam Grant
28.  Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank
29.  Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
30. Snow Whyte and the Queen of Meyhem by Milessa Lemon
31. Life
32. Give and take by Daniel Pink



The list is short, but its growing!

The 5 love languages

Recently I have been reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It is a good book and has taught me much about relationships and how I can improve on them.  Here is a summary of what I have learned so far.

We all speak one primary love language, but parts of others.  In relationships trouble often starts when you realize that the other person is human with faults as well as virtues.  It is important to learn their love language so that you can speak it.  If we speak others' love languages we will have a life full of meaningful relationships.  It may be hard at times, but the effort is worth it.  Knowing about the other languages as well as our own will help us identify the areas we could improve on in our lives.

1.  Words of Affirmation.
Words of affirmation can include: "I love you," "Thank you for your help," "Good job," and many other positive comments to those who assist us.  Every human craves for his or her accomplishments to be recognized by others, but some desire it more than others.  We want to be good, we want to perform well.  Sometimes it is hard to recognize it when this is our primary love language.  We feel frustrated when we do things and nobody seems to notice.

One suggestion by the author is that when we want to be recognized, we should first recognize others.  If you did not grow up in a home where your parents and siblings gave praise to each other, you might start by praising them.  Slowly but surely they will give it back to you.

Some may not grow up in a home where praise is given, so they do not recognize that they crave praise.  If you do things and feel hurt when your actions are not recognized, then your primary love language is probably words of affirmation.

There are 2 different dialects of words of affirmation.  They are words of praise and kind words.  Praise is the one I crave most.  I want others to see how much I care, and if they don't see my effort I probably will stop my efforts.  It is important to give other praise for the efforts.  With kind words some may feel awesome if another just says hi.  If they know others care, that is what makes them feel loved and appreciated.

2.  Gifts
Some may love to receive gifts.  The book tells of one lady who after her husband died moved into a much smaller home.  She got rid of most of her furniture, but would not part with one rocking hard her husband had given her a long time ago.  It meant a lot to her, and reminded her of her husband.  It often doesn't matter what the gift is, it is the thought that counts.

When a man and woman get married, they give each other rings as symbol as their commitment to the other. If the couple experiences trouble in their relationship and divorce the ring is normally the first thing to be taken off.  It is a visual reminder of the love that was once felt.

People who feel loved through gifts often collect what seem to others as useless things.  What others do not see is that everything has a memory of the person who gave the gift or the place it was acquired.  When learning the love language of giving gifts it is important to chose one that will mean something to that person.

When giving a gift we do not always to spend a lot of money on gifts.  It seems like those who do are more caring then those who use thought when giving gifts.  Remember, those whose primary love language is giving and receiving gifts, it is the thought that counts with them.

3.  Acts of service
Some people love to give and receive acts of service.  Those who do will see a need and do it.  They don't have to be asked, they don't have to be paid for their efforts.  But they do want to be recognized for their efforts.  They want to have little things done for them.  If a coat is on the ground they will pick it up and hang it back up.

It is sometimes hard to know when someone's primary love language is acts of service.  If they want to show appreciation they will often do something for that person.  They will clean the room of a sibling, they will do the dishes even when not assigned.  They won't complain or ask for recognition.  They do it to show love.

At times those who's primary love language is not acts of service may wonder why someone is doing extra work.  They wonder why they want to clean, why they want to stay late at work for someone else.  But once we recognize that they give acts of service it allows us the opportunity to do something for them.  To leave them a plate of cookies, do a chose assigned to them.

4. Quality Time
For those of you like me, you love to spend time with those you care about and love.  Those whose primary love language is quality time love to spend time with people.  They don't care what they do with that person or group, they just want to be around them.  The activity will usually leave a lot of time for discussion.

I have noticed that I love to have quality time with people.  I will arrange activities and groups just so that I can spend time with certain people.  If you give me 15 minutes, I will love you for a long time.  I just want you to pay attention to me.

Having quality time as your primary love language you will probably be a good listener.  There are those who listen only to give suggestions.  I am sure we all know those who don't really listen but will do so only so that they can tell us what they think.  For those who want to be listened to, that makes us feel like they don't care about us.  I love to be listened to, but I also love to listen.  I love to listen to others.  I love to connect with them.  I do that by spending time with others and discussing things with them.

There are two ways to spend quality time with people: listen and activities.  Some people like me love to talk, and they want people to listen to them.  And there are those who just want to be around certain people they love.  The way others can show us they care and love us is to spend time with us.

5.  Physical Touch
The last love language is physical touch.  These are the people that love to give and receive hugs, and other signs of affection.  Sometimes a hand on the shoulder, a simple hug can make someone's day much better.  For those whose primary love language is not physical touch it may be difficult for them to speak it, and touching someone is rather awkward.

There are two types of touches, those that are appropriate  and those that aren't.  Just because someone's love language is physical touch does not be mean we should inappropriately touch them.  We should shake their hand, pat them on the back for a job well done, or other simple sign of affections.

Sometimes you may not feel comfortable giving hugs or touch another, but with practice you will find that it enhances relationships.  It makes the other person know you care for them.  We all crave to be loved, so why not show them you care?  The awkwardness will disappear with time as you continue to do it.

Eportfolio!

Here is the link of my Salt Lake Community College Eportfolio.  I have just added two assignments which I did during the Spring 2013 semester.  Look under the General Education tab, and under American Institutions and Compositions tabs.  Please enjoy!

http://scottsinwells.wordpress.com/

Motivate yourself

Motivate yourself to achieve your goals!

Are you the person you want to be?  Do you think you need to lose some weight?  Are there things that you have wanted to do but are scared?  Do you have goals that you have not yet reached?  Once you overcome that initial barrier, how do you stay motivated to the end? 

If your answer to any of those questions, this post is for you! This is for anyone who wants to reach their goals.  I know I have many times started a goal, but realized that reaching the goal is much harder then I initially thought. Sometimes I have stopped moving towards the goal, but in moving past barriers to achieve my goal I have realized there are several keys to help me stay motivated to reach a goal.  The keys are: writing the goal down, set smaller goals that help you achieve big ones, reward yourself for reaching milestones, set aside time to work on your goal and to keep the end in mind.

How will writing down your goal keep you motivated?  I know when I write something down it becomes something more than an idea.  It means that others can see my goal, and if I tell others what I want to accomplish I normally follow through.  This does not mean you have to share your goals with anyone else, but writing it down somewhere will help, I promise.  If you keep a daily planner write down your goal there.  It makes you remember it better if you take the time to write a goal down.

It is important to set some smaller milestones on your journey towards your goal.  If you try to climb a mountain without first preparing at all you probably won’t get very far.  You have to first prepare yourself physically, and then you climb the mountain.  You have to set yourself a schedule that breaks a large goal into smaller, more doable goals. 

When you reach a goal it is good to reward yourself in some way.  When I am working on a goal I motivate myself by telling myself that the reward is worth the effort.  When we study hard for a test and do well on it, it makes us glad we studied for it.  Think of a way to reward yourself that would get you motivated to reach your goal.

In this crazy world of running to work, helping kids with homework and doing housework a lot of people don’t have a lot of time to waste.  This is why setting aside time to achieve your goals is important.  If your goal is to exercise daily set aside a time when you aren’t busy each day, and go exercise.  It helps to keep the same routine for a while until exercise becomes a habit as this will make it easier to remember.  If you keep a daily planner schedule yourself time to work on your goal.  If it is a long term goal set deadlines of when you will have your goal achieved.  Setting aside time will help you as you work towards your goals.

The last key is to keep the end in mind.  When you begin a journey you hardly ever actually see the end of the tunnel.  You might know where it is but you probably won’t see it for a while.  That is why it is important for you to envision what you will be like, what it will feel like to achieve your goal.  At the beginning of the semester it is always important to remember that summer break is just a few short months away.

When trying to reach a goal it is important to keep yourself motivated.  You can do this by writing down your goals as a reminder, work on smaller goals to achieve big ones, set aside specific time to work on the goal, and to keep the end results that you hope to get in your mind. 

motivation

            One day a manager walks into work with a heavy heart.  Yesterday ownership had come to him with a problem:  one key employee was not performing up to the standards set by ownership.  The owners want that employee either to improve their performance or they want them fired.  The manager likes the employee personally but agrees with ownership: the performance has been lacking in recent weeks. 

            This manager is faced with a dilemma: how to motivate a struggling employee.  How do you motivate someone who either does not care for or want to be at work?  How do you get someone to perform their very best while at work?  How do you sometimes get another person to perform a simple task?

            This situation and other similar ones are encountered by people all around the world.  You may not be a business manager, but you have tried today to get someone else to do something for you.  You may have asked a child to clean their room or do the dishes.  You may have asked a co-worker to assist you in some way.  How do we successfulyl motivate others to help us?

            To be successful in motivating others it is helpful to understand motivation.  Most experts agree that there are two kinds of motivation: internal (intrinsic) and external (extrinsic).  That means that you can either offer someone a reward, such as paying a child to do chores, or somehow make them want to do them.  If there were an easy way to motivate children to do chores many parents would love to find out how. 

            People have been trying to figure out the best way to motivate others since the beginning of time.  Many ancient people had slaves, using physical punishment (extrinsic motivation) to force the slaves to obey them.  They would often whip slaves for disobedience.  That is one way to motivate others.  That was the only way that some knew how to get others to do anything. 

            The other way of motivating someone (intrinsic) has also practiced for a long time.  Some people used oratory to make people believe that they should do something.  Many preachers have built huge followings by their passionate speeches.  Many ancient people worshipped gods because they were led to believe in them.

            It wasn’t the late 19^th century that many scholars began to identify the types of motivation.  Humans are driven by needs, and we take action to fill those needs.  We all have 5 basic needs as humans: self-actualization, self-esteem, love, safety and biological needs. (Maslow, 1959)

            So how does knowing about motivation apply to me?  Why is motivating someone such a big deal?   You may be wondering.  It applies to everybody, in that every day you will attempt to get someone else to do something for you.  While sitting at dinner, do you ever ask someone to pass the salt or pepper?  Have you ever asked someone to please turn down the TV so that you can sleep? 

            If you are a teacher or a business manager you should know a lot about motivation because you try to motivate students or employees to show up on time and do good work.  If a struggling student does not understand how to add or subtract, you as a teacher should want to make the student understand and like math.

            Recently many scholars have undertaken to study how business and educational leaders can better motivate students and employees to perform better.  One such study was performed by Abd. Rahman Ahmad, who studied the relationship between workers having flexible working hours and motivation. (Abd. Rahman Ahmad) He concluded that having flexible working hours contributed to worker motivation while at work.  This is one way for employers and managers to get employees motivated. 

            Most businesses offer their employees wages to get them to do the work assigned to them.  This is how the majority of the people today make a living.  They go to work, do what they are supposed to, and come home.  They view work as boring, not challenging, and they often hate their job.  One way employers try to motivate employees is by paying them more.  But this is often counterproductive, says Daniel Pink.  He says: “Goals that people set for themselves and that are devoted to attaining mastery are usually healthy. But goals imposed by others – sales targets, quarterly returns, standardized test scores, etc. – can sometimes have dangerous side effects.  The problem with making an extrinsic reward the only destination that matters is that some people will choose the quickest route there” (Pink)

            So what are some ways for employers to motivate their employees?  Chris Musselwhite has worked in human resource departments for various corporations since 1973.  He gives suggestions in the article called Creating a Culture of Motivation.  Those suggestions are that managers should get to know their employees, establish clear expectations of workers, they need take employee suggestions seriously, and praise employees for their hard work. (Mussewhite)

            How does motivation apply to education?  In the school system in America students are assessed different grades depending on how well they perform on assignments and tests.  An A means that you are doing well in the course and an F means that you are failing.  This is a form of extrinsic motivation.  You are giving them an external motivation to do their homework and complete assignments on time.  Many think by assigning kids assignments they will become used to doing things by a deadline once they enter the work force.  School is an excellent training ground for the work place. 

            How do teachers and parents motivate their students and children to do well in school? Does a motivated student do better in school?  In a study done in 2011 Suki Goodman tried to find if there was a relationship between student’s motivation and their academic performance. (Goodman)  She found that those who were intrinsically motivated did better than those students who only have extrinsic motivation to motivate them to do the school work. 

            So how do we get students to be intrinsically motivated to do school work?  One way is to improve the quality of teaching.  Make it more engaging to the students, make it more hands on.  One thing that it is important to remember with education is that not all students are the same.  Not everyone learns the same or has the same interests. 

            With motivation it is important to remember that there is not one sure trick or technique that will work with everyone.  We are all different and we all have the right to choose whether we want to be motivated or not.  Learning the ways people are motivated can help us learn how to motivate others as well as ourselves. 

Works cited

Thielke, Stephen  “Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs and the Adoption of Health-Related Technologies for Older Adults.” Academic Journal Premier Dec. 2013 Article

Ahmad, Abd. Rahman. "A Study of Flexible Working Hours and Motivation." Canadian Center of Science and Education (2013): 1-9. Web. <http://web.ebscohost.com.dbprox.slcc.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=4b729415-b391-40fc-8b5e-a9939f19b376%40sessionmgr114&vid=5&hid=127>.

Daniel H. Pink “Drive: the surprising truth about what motivates us” Riverhead books, New York, NY 2009 Print

Musselwhite, Chris. "CREATING A CULTURE OF MOTIVATION."  Academic Search Premier (2011) Web

http://web.ebscohost.com.dbprox.slcc.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=7fb16085-6b9d-40d0-b164-7c43a200e236%40sessionmgr113&vid=18&hid=128

Goodman, Suki. "An Investigation of the Relationship between Students’ Motivation and Academic Performance as Mediated by Effort." South African Journal of Psychology (2011): 1-14. Web. http://web.ebscohost.com.dbprox.slcc.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=4b729415-b391-40fc-8b5e-a9939f19b376%40sessionmgr114&vid=5&hid=127 .

Acceptance

I believe that everyone, every single person, has a desire to be loved and understood.  I think everyone craves acceptance, something that a lot of people seem unwilling to give.  All everyone wants is to be told they are beautiful, good, talented, or what they want is good.  But how do people gain this acceptance?  Some turn to politics to be accepted.  They want to legalize and make a law that says they are decent people.  They want to tell people with laws that they are good people.  

Others turn to gangs.  I think most gangs out not exist if the members had a home where they felt loved and accepted.  Like in the movie Courageous.  The young kids turn away from home, if one exists for them.  They turn to anyone that will accept them, even doing something that they know is wrong to get accepted.  I think a solution is to fix the home.  But how do we do this?

Alma 31:5 And now, as the preaching of the word had a greater tendency to lead the people to do that which was just - yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened upon them - therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God.

Now, I don't think everyone need to be Mormon.  I do, however, think people need to be nice to others.  There is too much abuse, physical and mental, going on in the world.  Some people are self absorbed, believing others have to look after their every need and want.  Some are just lazy.  Life is hard, and it takes work.  But working is always worth it.  That is something I am continually learning.  I don't enjoy going to work most days.  But I do enjoy making money which allows me to have a home, food and a car.  I do believe that the homes of many Americans need to be fixed.  It all starts with one person.  If one person reaches out to someone, and helps them change their life for the better, it will cause a ripple effect on many generations.  

I think the solution to gaining acceptance of everyone is to follow what the scripture teach.  I wish everyone would agree with me on this, but they won't in this life.  Even after the Second Coming and Resurrection not everyone will agree with me on everything.  And that is OK.  I wish everyone would read at least the Bible, or whatever book they believe is a holy book, and try to follow what it teaches.  Only by abiding by the Bible, and the Book of Mormon, will people be truly happy.

laziness

The following website and article can be found at:

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/05/08/the-laziest-solution-possible/

Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man. He is sure to find an easy way of doing it.

-Walter Chrysler

Laziness is a fairly underrated virtue. It’s synonym made the short list of deadly sins (sloth) and it is often seen as the major culprit behind a lack of success (he’s smart but he lacks discipline). I happen to think the opposite.Laziness quite often means efficiency and when you combine laziness with a strong drive you end up with the desire to find the most efficient solution possible.

I’ve been called lazy more than a few times. Laziness allows me to ask questions that, “nose to the grindstone,” types would completely avoid. Here is a short list of important questions that lazy people ask of themselves that other people don’t:

• Why am I doing this?
• Why am I doing it this way?
• What am I trying to get out of this?
• Is this the best way to get this done?
• What would happen if I didn’t do it at all?

I’ve been called lazy a few times by hard-working people simply because I ask those questions when they refuse to. I don’t do tasks that don’t have any apparent value. I’m ruthless in seeking a more efficient method to do something. And I challenge assumptions about what has to get done.

Laziness Helps You Refocus on What is Most Important

Being slothful in my approach to goal setting allows me to cut away anything that doesn’t have to be done. In working on big goals this is a crucial skill if you want to achieve them. Hard working people can end up spending days, weeks or months on one element of a goal only to realize that there was an available solution that could have taken less than half the time.

When working on my interactive goal-setting program, I started by designing my own interface code. But a few days into writing it, laziness kicked in and I couldn’t help feeling highly inefficient. Sure enough there was a plugin I could buy for a little over twenty bucks that offered the basic functionality I needed.

Laziness + Drive = Productivity

Lazy people aren’t lazy all the time. Unless the person has extremely low energy, even the laziest people still find time to surf the web, play games or socialize with friends. A lot of lazy people aren’t really lacking willpower, just some motivation.

Without a compelling drive being disciplined just makes you look busy to outside observers when you really aren’t getting anything done. Laziness only becomes apparent because without a strong drive, slothful people stop doing just about anything not necessary for survival or enjoyment.

I’m a lazy person at heart. Even though I woke up a little after five am to write this post and finish another chapter in my book, deep down I’m a very lazy person. I need a compelling drive to keep me busy. Without a strong drive, I’d lay in bed until after noon and watch television all day.

But once you create that drive, either through explicitly setting goals or opening your imagination to new possibilities, laziness becomes a tool not a curse. Instead of using your laziness to avoid work, you use it to maximize your resources.

Laziness Beats Willpower (and Efficiency) Any Time

Willpower has it’s place, but for every drop of willpower you exert there should be a tonne of laziness that has been used before it. If you are having to use excessive willpower to reach a goal, often it is because you either haven’t created enough drive or you haven’t used enough laziness to discover a more efficient path.

I’m using laziness as more than just a synonym for efficiency. Efficiency is good, but often trying to be efficient doesn’t really ask the right questions. Simple efficiency asks, “How can I do this better.” It is true laziness that asks, “Why am I doing this in the first place?”

As a holistic learner I’ve never been big on studying. While everyone around me chastised me for laziness, I didn’t ask, “How can I study better?” I asked myself why I should bother to study at all. If I didn’t need to there wasn’t much point in spending time and exerting willpower for a similar grade.

True laziness takes a bit of courage as well. It can be very difficult for hardworking person to admit to themselves that they just wasted a bunch of time and energy on something that doesn’t matter.

Unleash the Laziness Within You

Be really lazy today. Whenever you have to do something, follow it up with the question, “Why?” If you can’t come up with a good answer, don’t do it. If it is a necessity for your job or survival, find the most efficient way to get it off your schedule. Delegate it to someone else. Find a way to get it done as soon as possible so you can move to more important things.

The Emperor Has No Clothes On Isn’t Getting Work Done

The scary part of being lazy is it leaves you naked. You no longer have your insulating cone of busyness to make you feel productive. The work you do actually has to mean something in order to get done. Instead of relying on willpower you rely on drive. Strip away your delusions of productivity by using this most underrated virtue.