Life

The months of February and March have been crazy for me.  I have been super busy these last few weeks.  I have had life changing experience, and made some new friends.  Life in general could not be better for me. I still have trials, but for the most part live a life of comfort.  

Trials are hard things.  When you have a trial you hopefully gain experience that will help you navigate that same problem, or a similar one, later in life.  There-in lies the paradox of experience: you never get it until after you no longer need it.  I hate that.  But it is good to have later.

Life is hard in that I am trying to balance having a girlfriend, working a ton, sleeping, and having alone down time.  The alone down time is really important to me as I prefer to be alone.  I need at least a little bit of time to write, think and ponder what I want, need to do and anything else that crosses my mind.

I also find a little time to read.  Which is surprising.  I started the year determined to read 150 books, but I am only at 13 so far this year.  Which is disappointing.  I want to read more, but I chose to spend time in other ways.  I chose to be with Stephanie, sleep, and to have 2 jobs.  I need to do these things.  Reading once upon a time was higher on the list of my priorities, but now it is slipping lower and lower.  I guess I am changing. 

Change is the one constant in life. Each time you experience something new you are never the same no matte how much you wish you could be.  I wish I was back in Delta in the play house wrestling in the dark.  That was such a fun time.  I wish I could be 17 again, attending Scholar Academy, or Dragon Scholars.  I had such good friends back then.  Now Jeremy, Sean and Brady are on missions, and Rob is still Rob.  I miss doing things with them, Taylor and Jamison.  We had so much fun together.

Now, my life is filled with work, work and not doing things I wish I could do.  I wish I could be carefree and not have to worry about money.  I wish I could be perfect, because making mistakes is not fun.  I wish I could go back in time and fix things that went wrong.  

But if that were possible, what would happen to us in the future?  Would we be different if we changed our past?  If I hadn't had knee problems, would I still have met Stephanie?  Would I have baptized someone that only I could teach the gospel to?  What if I had not found out for myself that God lives, that the Book of Mormon is the word of God?

It is hard not to second guess our past.  Sometimes it is best to leave the past in the past.  Other times it is necessary to look back and see what could have gone different so that in the future the past does not repeat. the past will repeat unless we try to change the future.